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'Ninjad!'

'The daily life effect'

You know when you find something or someone really funny, that you have difficulty in expressing it, let alone attempting to portray both the character and the situations into words, well this is such an occasion. Usually you pass it off with comments such as, 'well you had to be there' or 'you had to meet this guy in order to really appreciate what a complete pillock he was'. Still I'll give it a try anyway, but without the descriptive help of the cartoon I think it would be a hopeless task trying to depict what a complete and utter dipstick this guy turned out to be. I should of guessed really right from day one when he first set foot in my club, all the warning signs were there from the start. I remember thinking at the time he was either a little exuberant or so naive that he had fallen for somebodies idea of a practical joke, having been led to believe that we all dressed as ninjas as part of our regular club training sessions. So in he came, looking as if he had just abseiled or parachuted in with a box of Milk Tray chocolates under his arm. How he wasn't arrested on his way to the club was any ones guess, it was just pure luck that a passing patrol car didn't spot him. For chappie, absolutely bristled with weaponry that either pocked out or was draped around his ninja garb, that was complete with head and face veil. He looked like either a mugger with a lack of self confidence, or a reject from a budget priced spaghetti martial arts movie. "Yes, can I help you!" I exclaimed blankly, trying to act as if it was a daily occurrence to be confronted by a cross between Batman, and the mask of Zoro. "Is this where you do the martial arts thing?" came the muffled but enthusiastic voice from beneath the vale. I was tempted to say no, but with all my students standing around in martial arts gear, starring at the 'black shadow' as he came to be known, it was a bit of a dead give a way. "That's right" I confirmed, as if stating the bleeding obvious. "I see you have your own outfit, have you trained before" I continued. "No, I always dress like this" he replied as a matter of fact, without even a hint of sarcasm or detectable note of irony. "Don't you find it a bit impractical when shopping in Tescos" I smiled..... Nothing!, no reaction at all, not even a titter. Just a vacant stare that was occasionally interrupted by the odd blink, but I suspected nobody was at home behind the mask. "Right, ok then, I see!" I was as dismayed as I sounded whilst sighing to myself, 'ho god why me, why my club'. Still, despite this guy obviously being a sandwich short of a picnic, I thought I'll give him a try whilst hoping that one of my students did set the whole thing up as a practical joke. Alas that wasn't to be the case. This guy was an uncoordinated nightmare, even when relieved of a hundredweight of weaponry to restrict his movements. I've had awkward students before, that's not their fault and I try my best to help them gradually improve. However, when all they want to do is hide in dark corners, then thats one step to many into lar lar land for me. He was a nice enough chap but it came as no surprise when we heard that he had been pulled in by the police for being a suspected peeping tom, when found hiding up a tree outside his mums house. It didn't help matters much when he explained to the police, that he was just practicing being a ninja when he got stuck between the branches. Fortunately he wasn't charged and got off with just a verbal warning. Amazing the effect the martial arts has on the more impressionable. I wish him well, last I heard of him he actually joined the police force. Apparently he's doing really well!.

© 2005 WOFA